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Army

What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base? A flat major.
Army (7), Music (8)

How many guns do the US need to combat an enemy? Two: one to shoot and one to sell him to shoot back.
Gun (1), Army (7)

At an army training camp in Florida, the Seargent is giving a talk: "The main quality we look for in this army is commitment and this is what I call commitment." An alligator came in the room and bit the seargents penis. It stayed there for about a 10 seconds then the seargent poked it in the eyes and kicked it off.

"Now who's ready to show their commitment?" said the Seargent. A man put his hand up and said "I will, but promise you won't poke me in the eyes."

Army (7), Florida (4), Commitment (1), Alligators (4), Animals (25)

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.

One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference.

1) If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock.
2) If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.
3) If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
4) If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3.
5) If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour."

Airplanes (2), Air Force (3), Navy (5), Army (7), Marines (3), Time (2)

At one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned. One soldier mused, "Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn't seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?"
Army (7), Running (1), Shooting (4), Military (10)

Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?" "My father said it'd be a good idea, Sir." "Oh? And what does your father do?" "He's in the Army, Sir."
Navy (5), Army (7), Military (10)

An Army Ranger was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana and he wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted, "maybe I'll just go out and get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes made at a reasonable price!"

The vendor said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run into a couple of Marines who were in here earlier saying the same thing."

So the Ranger headed into the bayou that same day and a few hours later came upon two men standing waist deep in the water. He thought, "those must be the two Marines the guy in town was talking about." Just then, the Ranger saw a tremendously long aligator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines.

Just as the aligator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. Then both Marines dragged it on shore and flipped it on its back. Laying nearby were several more of the creatures.

One of the Marines then exclaimed, "Damn, this one doesn't have any shoes either!"

Alligators (4), Marines (3), Army (7), Shoes (2), Military (10)

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