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What's the last thing to go through a bug's mind as it hits the windshield? His ass.
Ass (7), Bugs (2)

Your mama is so fat and old that when God said "Let there be Light", he told her to move her fat ass out of the way.
Your Mama (28), God (23), Ass (7)

One day, a blind man and his dog are walking down a street, they come to a busy intersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man out into the thick of traffic. This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down.

The blind man and his dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the street, and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket, and offers it to the dog.

A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can't control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed!"

The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, "To find out where his head is, so I can kick his ass."

Blind (2), Dogs (15), Ass (7), Traffic (2)

Your mama is so fat, her ass has its own congressman.
Your Mama (28), Ass (7), Congressmen (1)

Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar. One complained to the other, "Boy, business sucks. If I don't sell more cars this month, I'm going to lose my fucking ass!"

Too late - he noticed a beautiful blonde, sitting two stools away. Immediately, he offered apologies for his use of bad language.

"That's okay," the blonde replied, "I have a very similar problem ... If I don't sell more ass this month, I'm going to lose my fucking car!"

Salesmen (1), Blondes (45), Ass (7), Cars (8), Business (3)

Your mama is so fat, the shadow of her ass weighs 50 pounds.
Your Mama (28), Shadows (1), Ass (7)

What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass? A Mechanic.
Amish (3), Mechanics (1), Horses (4), Ass (7)

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