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Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, 'How about a blowjob?' ... and she's always sound asleep."

Wives (31), Blowjob (1), Sleeping (4)

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Little Johnny replied, "Because people are sleeping."
Little Johnny (16), Church (10), Sleeping (4), Children (26)

A salesman was given a hotel room next to one occupied by honeymooners.

The walls were thin, and the sounds of sustained sexual frenzy poured through. Finally the salesman could stand it no longer. He pounded on the walls, yelling, "Knock it off, there's other people trying to get some sleep!"

From the other room came a weak, faltering male voice which said, "Yell louder, mister, she can't hear you!"

Honeymoon (2), Sex (42), Sleeping (4), Salesman (3)

Who is the greatest baby-sitter mentioned in the Bible? David - He rocked Goliath to sleep.
Babysitters (2), Bible (2), David (1), Goliath (1), Sleeping (4)

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