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What does a man consider a seven course meal? A hot dog and a six pack of beer.
Men (107), Hot Dogs (1), Beer (11), Alcohol (6)

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, carees her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her. HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN Arrive naked ... with beer.
Women (52), Men (107), Beer (11), Alcohol (6), Earth (3)

There's a big conference of beer producers. At the end of the day, all of the presidents of all beer companies decide to have a drink in a bar.

The president of 'Budweiser' orders a Bud, the president of 'Miller' orders a Miller Lite, Adolph Coors orders a Coors, and the list goes on. Then the waitress asks Arthur Guinness what he wants to drink, and much to everybody's amazement, Mr. Guinness orders a Coke!

"Why don't you order a Guinness?" his colleagues ask.

"Naah. If you guys won't drink beer, than neither will I."

Beer (11), Budweiser (1), Miller (1), Coors (1), Guinness (2)

What not to say to the nice policeman: I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
Police (20), Beer (11), Alcohol (6)

What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football? The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.
Football (4), Men (107), Alcohol (6), Beer (11)

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the US auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four-wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.

They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were,

"Oh, Shit!"

Only the state of Alabama was different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were:

"Hold my beer and watch this!"

Alabama (2), Accidents (2), Cars (8), Beer (11)

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
Men (107), Beer (11), Women (52)

A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!". After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"
Bars (5), Beer (11), Drinks (2)

How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer.
Men (107), Beer (11), Future (1), Plans (1)

What do men and beer have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
Men (107), Beer (11), Stupidity (9)

What's the difference between a violin and a viola? 1) The viola burns longer. 2) The viola holds more beer. 3) You can tune the violin.
Viola (12), Violin (2), Burning (2), Beer (11), Tuning (1)

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