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Blondes |
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Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to
some tracks. The first blonde said "These look like deer
tracks." and the other one said: "No they look like moose
tracks." They argued and argued for a while and they were
still arguing when the train hit them. | |
Blondes (45) |
What did the blondes right leg say to the left leg?
Nothing, they haven't met! | |
Blondes (45), Legs (2) |
What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
Some traffic signs say stop. | |
Blondes (45), Traffic Signs
(2), Sex (42) |
What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
You
keep hearing about them, but never see any. | |
Blondes (45), UFO's (1) |
What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
1) There are some things even a blonde won't do.
2)
Something that when it gives you a blow job, it won't stop
until it gets blood. | |
Blondes (45), Lawyers (47) |
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's
ear?
Data transfer. | |
Blondes (45) |
What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
An airbag. | |
Blondes (45), Cars (8) |
What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette?
Artificial intelligence. | |
Blondes (45), Intelligence
(15) |
How do you confuse a blonde?
Put her in a circular
room and tell her to sit in the corner.
How does a
blonde confuse you?
She comes out and says she did
it. | | Blondes
(45), Intelligence (15),
Confusion (1) |
What is the difference between Bigfoot and an intelligent
blonde?
There have actually been sightings of
Bigfoot. | |
Blondes (45), Bigfoot (2),
Intelligence (15) |
What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
You only have to put information into a computer once. | |
Blondes (45), Computer (20),
Information (1) |
Why did the blonde climb over a glass wall?
To see
what was on the other side. | |
Blondes (45), People (11),
Stupidity (9) |
Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar. One complained to
the other, "Boy, business sucks. If I don't sell more cars
this month, I'm going to lose my fucking ass!"
Too
late - he noticed a beautiful blonde, sitting two stools
away. Immediately, he offered apologies for his use of bad
language.
"That's okay," the blonde replied, "I have
a very similar problem ... If I don't sell more ass this
month, I'm going to lose my fucking car!" | |
Salesmen (1), Blondes (45),
Ass (7), Cars (8),
Business (3) |
How do you get a blonde on the roof?
Tell her drinks
are on the house. | |
Blondes (45), Drinks (2),
Alcohol (6) |
What's the difference between a blonde and a light bulb?
The light bulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn
on. | | Blondes
(45), Light Bulbs (31),
Differences (15) |
Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
You can
park in the handicapped spots. | |
Blondes (45) |
What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
They
both wriggle when you eat them. | |
Blondes (45), Spaghetti (1) |
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a
long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and
asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just
wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over
to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer
persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot
of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't
know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa." Again, she
politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The
lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't
know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the
answer, I will pay you $50!" figuring that since she is a
blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the
blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end
to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance
from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word,
reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and
hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the blonde's turn.
She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs,
and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a
puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches
all his references. He taps into the
Airphone with his
modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress.
Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and
friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, he
wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely
takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the
blonde and asks, "Well, so what is the answer!?" Without a
word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer
$5, and goes back to sleep. | |
Lawyers (47), Blondes (45),
Money (28), Questions (7),
Answers (3) |
What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back. | |
Blondes (45), Grenades (1) |
What do blondes and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?
They've both swallowed a lot of semen. | |
Blondes (45), Semen (1),
Bermuda Triangle (1) |
Two young blonde women were playing golf at a foggy par
three, and could see the flag, but not the green. Each hit
their ball anyway. When they walked to the green, they
discovered one ball about three feet from the cup, while the
other ball somehow had gone directly in.
The blondes
tried to figure out which ball belonged to who, since they
were both using Titleist number threes. Unable to decide,
they returned to the Club House and asked the golf pro for a
ruling.
After hearing their story and congratulating
them both on their superb shots under such adverse
conditions the pro asked, "Okay, so who was playing the
yellow ball?" | |
Blondes (45), Golf (13),
Balls (4) |
Why do blonde chicks have cum in their navels?
Because blonde guys aren't too bright either! | |
Blondes (45), Navels (1),
Intelligence (15) |
What's the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend. | |
Blondes (45), Porsche (1) |
Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
It
takes too long to retrain them. | |
Blondes (45), Breaks (1),
Training (2) |
What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
Your job still sucks after 6 months. | |
Blondes (45), Job (2) |
What's the difference between a blonde and a bitch?
A
blonde will fuck anyone, a bitch will fuck anyone but you. | |
Blondes (45), Bitches (3),
Fucking (2), Differences (15) |
What do blondes and turtles have in common?
When they
are on their backs they are screwed. | |
Blondes (45), Turtles (1) |
Why was the blondes' belly button sore?
Because her
boyfriend was blonde too. | |
Blondes (45), Boyfriends (2) |
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up. | |
Blondes (45), Bottles (1),
Stupidity (9) |
Why did the blonde die in a helicopter crash?
She got
cold and turned off the fan. | |
Blondes (45), Helicopters
(1), Fans (2) |
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one-liners?
So men can
remember them. | |
Men (107), Blondes (45),
Jokes (1), Memory (2) |
What's the Blonde's cheer?
"I'm blonde, I'm blonde,
I'm B.L.O.N. ... ah, oh well ... I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea
yea yea ..." | |
Blondes (45), Cheers (1),
Singing (1) |
What does a blonde do with her asshole in the morning?
Pack his lunch and send him to work. | |
Blondes (45), Assholes (4),
Men (107) |
How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
Stick a
tire pressure gauge in her ear! | |
Blondes (45), Intelligence
(15), Ears (3) |
Why did the blonde cross the road?
Forget the road,
what the hell was she doing out of the bedroom!? | |
Blondes (45), Bedroom (1) |
What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
Marriage. | |
Blondes (45), Marriage (21) |
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills. | |
Blondes (45), Sleeping Pills
(1) |
How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer?
There's white-out on the screen. | |
Blondes (45), Computer (20) |
Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
They're too hard to peel. | |
Blondes (45), Peeling (1) |
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